Have you ever been scared to let go? Have you ever wondered what was going to happen next? Well if you have you are definitely human. If you haven’t you are special. Being scared is a human feeling. I’m pretty sure we have all been scared at least once in our lives. There is nothing wrong with being scared or even terrified for that matter. It’s what we do with our fear that matters. When fear starts to try to creep up on us we have two choices: give in to it or give it to God. Fear is the devil trying to tell us we can’t, we aren’t strong enough, or we won’t make it. Fear is the enemy lying to us. When we listen to his voice, it paralyzes us. When we hand it over to God it liberates us-sets us free from the enemies grip. When we hand our fears over it takes the pressure off of us and we can find strength and refuge in Jesus.
Shelby and I recently moved back home to continue rehab at the house. We got a bunch of equipment set up in the garage and have it turned into the rehab gym. We even took some climbing harness and a pulley system over the tread mill and have our own locomotor training walking machine set up. Needless to say my wife, brother in laws, and I have been vigorously training at the house. In the last month I haven’t had any huge new breakthroughs just the same leg movements as before but definitely getting stronger and stronger.
One thing I had been waiting to do since the accident was get horseback again. It had been over six months since I had been on the back of a horse, the longest in my entire life that I can remember. I had been trying to get to a place and ride while in Utah but kept having complications due to getting cleared by the surgeons. But, typical JR Vezain attitude, I was determined to make it happen regardless of what they said as soon as I got home.
We got home Friday night and Saturday afternoon I was saddled up figuring out a way to get on. With a little ingenuity we transferred me over on to the flat bed of a pickup, stepped ol’ Rosie over, lifted one leg on the other side, and with a boost got swung up in the middle and set down. Instant freedom! I was ready to roll wherever I wanted to go around the ranch. Not confined to my wheelchair and where it could go anymore. I had a new set of legs ready to roam. I could go ride through the cows and look at the place that I had been away from for over six months. Then, I turned her to ride off and it didn’t feel the same. It wasn’t like it was before. I knew it was going to feel different but I didn’t know how different. I didn’t have any weight in my legs. I couldn’t really feel where I was in the saddle. My balance was off so I was death gripped on the saddle horn and bared down on my rope holding myself on.
As I rode out of the yard I was already getting tired. My arm was tired from pulling on my rope. My legs felt like they were squeezing as hard as they could yet I couldn’t feel the weight in my feet. My whole body flexing to stay in the middle. Then, I got to thinking what if my horse spooks? I wasn’t seat belted in so I wondered if I would tip off the side. What if she began to trot could I control her enough to keep her the speed I wanted to go? Could I turn her around and go back to the house? What if I did fall off how would I get anywhere? It seemed the harder I tried to stay on and keep her at a slow walk the more she wanted to go. She would speed up a little so I would pull on her mouth then she’d prance around and I would struggle to keep my balance. The more I squeezed the harder I worked the more wore out I got.
I kept going though. The more I rode the more comfortable I got. The more I loosened up and gave her her head, the smoother the ride got. If I just let her go and just worried about staying in the middle the easier the ride got. The looser my grip got the more relaxed I felt.
I gave her her head and rode out around the field about thirty minutes total. She knew her way around the pasture and led me back to the house safe and sound and it felt amazing! It was awesome to connect with a horse again. Great to be horse back even if it was only for a minute.
Once I was back in my wheelchair I was sitting on the porch enjoying the evening reflecting on my ride when I came across the idea that life is just like that short little ride I went on. You can either go on your ride and let fear of the unknown, anxiety, or uncertainty take over. Grab hold of your rope and squeeze tight trying to control every step showing it where to go, unsure of what might spook her up; or you can swing up and give her her head. Trust in the Lord and let her pick carefully the path she needs to take. She’ll lead you around the pasture and back home safe and sound with a smile on your face enjoying each step of the way no matter what uncertainties come your way.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”
You see we should not let fear or circumstances, outcomes or situations, grab ahold of our reins and take control of our lives. We should hand them over to the Lord, trust in him, and let him guide us where we need to go.
